No True Christian, Salmon Struggles, and Mexican Breakfast

Some fragmented thoughts on leaving a particular culture war

Dear friends,

In February, I came on a work trip to Mexico City with a colleague, who happens to be Muslim. On one of our many taxi rides around the city, we had a conversation about our distinct faiths; she mentioned how surprised people in the city seemed to be by her hijab. I explained that it’s likely people don’t see many Muslim women here, and that because of the American media, people in Latin America generally believe harmful myths about Islam and the people who practice it.

Fatima (not her real name) leaned back into her seat and sighed. She told me that it’s unfortunate that people around the world only associate Islam with the tradition practiced in Saudi Arabia and other parts of the Middle East, which is very patriarchal and limits the role of women in public life. Islam, she said, is very much pro-women in theory, even if not in practice in some places.

Now it was my turn to lean back and sigh. Friends, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that same conversation but not about Islam. When people have asked me questions about my Christian faith and its treatment of women, I’ve asserted how much Jesus loved and empowered women. I have defended my own faith, proclaiming that it’s not at all patriarchal and misogynistic—it’s just that some denominations have chosen to practice it in that way.

Big sigh. In no way, do I want to disparage my colleague or her beliefs. I know very little about Islam. I was just struck by the similarity to my own stance over the years.

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No True Christian

You may be familiar with the logical fallacy known as “no true Scotsman.” This fallacy is an appeal to “purity” as a way to dismiss relevant criticism or flaws in the argument.

Example:

Person A: Christianity is not patriarchal or misogynistic.

Person B: What about the Southern Baptist Convention’s refusal to ordain women as pastors? What about its ousting of churches that dare to have women leaders? What about the way teachings on female submission have been used to subjugate women, keeping them subservient to men? What about the way women have been abused and limited by the Church for centuries?

Person A: That’s not true Christianity, pure Christianity. That’s not what Jesus taught. No true Christian would promote such teachings.

While I never went so far as to say, “that’s not true Christianity,” I most definitely felt that way in the past. And I am still convinced to this day that Jesus’ dream for the world is not patriarchy. I guess now I’m less concerned with debates about women in church leadership or in defending my position or in even quoting Jesus himself. Now I’m left to wonder what difference it makes that I may be right, when the faith has not historically been practiced that way. It’s not even practiced that way in the present in many places. Women continue to be marginalized in the church, whether or not that’s what the Bible teaches.

Mary and Martha, Painting by He Qi (Many biblical scholars assert that Mary was being invited to be a disciple and learn at Jesus’ feet like the men)

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Always a Salmon

All of this came up for me when my sister asked me to lead a Bible study for my nieces about a year ago. I was very hesitant. The request brought up all the ways the church has harmed me as a single woman of color that did not fit its ideals of a quiet and submissive spirit. I thought about all the unlearning I had to do; all the ways I had to process in therapy the shame it instilled in me—the way it told me not to trust my own intuition; all the struggle just to be seen as an image-bearer of God. And, unsurprisingly, I did not want any of that for my nieces.

It’s ironic because when I was a fundamentalist evangelical, I would have given anything for such a request from my sister. But now, I wanted no part of any of it. I did do a handful of studies with the girls, mostly narratives about Jesus and his parables, but I was very careful to allow them space to doubt and ask lots of questions, even if I had no answers. Truth be told, I was thrilled when they lost interest and didn’t want to continue the project. I really did not want them to become interested in going to church. Meeting Jesus is enough.

They say Western Europe became post-Christian¹ because it was exhausted by all the religious wars after the Protestant Reformation. I kind of know how it feels. I’m tired of the debates, culture wars, and the struggle—especially when those involve my own identity and calling.

Even in mainline protestant denominations that ordain women, you see mostly men in leadership and/or the reality that women may be given authority to preach but no real influence in the denomination. It’s exhausting to fight against that stream all your life. I’m not a salmon.

So I’m taking an indefinite break from the Church. I need to figure out what church engagement means for me, if I’m afraid to have the people I love most become part of these communities.

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Mexican Breakfast

I have now lived in Mexico for almost 3 months!

I am enjoying it and so is Oscar who loves that windows here do not have screens. Normally, when I first move to a place, I try to connect with a church but due to my aforementioned conflict with the Church, I have not done so here.

I have, however, connected with a writing group, some organizations that work with migrants, and with some of my Mexican colleagues. Mostly, I relish the joy of Mexican breakfast. I ride the city bikes to a different breakfast place every Saturday morning.

No carb left behind!

Saturday breakfast is one of life’s simple pleasures for me—it’s slow; it’s decadent; it’s special; and it’s festive (mimosa, anyone?).

I hope that you are well wherever Saturday mornings find you! More to come on Mexico in future newsletters.

Cheers,

Karen

1. When I say post-Christian, I mean the situation in which Christianity is no longer the dominant religion and that the values, culture, and worldview of a society are not predominantly Christian.